~ 4. AMBER BRKICH-MARIANO ~

~ 4. AMBER BRKICH-MARIANO ~

THE BEST OF THE BEST <3 Amber is such a controversial figure and it's obvious to me that the Amberealousy that swept the nation so many years ago is still in full effect. Some backstory: Amber was my first ever favorite Survivor. I watched Borneo but I really wasn't that obsessed with it and then Australia came around and I was instantly captivated with Jerri and Amber and their adorable big sister/little sister dynamic (which has never ever been repeated on the show ever) and I obviously gravitated towards Amber because she was the younger of the two. When ASS rolled around and I found out there would be returning players I was soo excited and Amber was my number one person I wanted back, more than anyone else, but I thought it impossible as she was such a lowkey figure in Survivor lore. When I found out she was on I was like the only person in all the world that was legit thrilled at the prospect. Of course then I read spoilers and found out she won I was super happy because it just felt like such a validatin you know? But even at that point I never could have imagined that Amber would become half of the most notorious, scene-stealing, ruthless, show dominating reality power couple in the history of the planet earth. Amber's story is truly one for the ages and if you can't see that then I honestly feel sorry for you.

AMBER MOMENTS <3

Spoiler [+]

ALWAYS A BRIDESMAID

Amber's first Survivor excursion was marked by her perpetual presence in the shadow of her sexier, more evil, more adorable Outback sisters Elisabeth and Jerri. In fact most people would probably find this the perfect metaphor for her presence:

Trailing behind Jerri and totally eclipsed by her. I would agree except for the part where that's a bad thing. Jerri was of course insanely hated by all of America which I will eventually get to, and I think a lot of that negativity rubbed off on Amber to which I say: jealousy gets you nowhere. The truth is that Amber and Jerri had one of the most adorbs relationships ever on Survivor. Despite the fact that jealouscunt hags were always talking shit, Jerri and Amber never let that stop them from having a good time.

Some of my favo moments in all of Australia were Amber and Jerri's tantric release sessions where they moaned about food as a way to relieve their sexual frustrations. Jerri and Amber's bffmance was so pure and I was really glad that they didn't betray each other in the end. It was totally heartbreaking when their bond was unexpectedly severed at the F8 TC where the insane jealousy of the other tribemates finally caught up to big sis Jerri.

Amber learned a hard lesson that day. Sometimes evil wins The rest of Amber's stay (and the season, tbh) was oppressively bleak. Poor Amber was just too young and innocent to bear the burden of such uneccessary backstabbing brutality. Although she did try to work something out with the former Kuchas and Elisabitch shot it down as was confirmed by Roger on the DVD commentary.

It was almost merciful when Amber left at F6, again needlessly backstabbed by her moralizing self-righteous shitstorm of a tribe, and yet still it was very emosh for me as I just knew that would be the last I would ever see of Amber.

heartbreaking LIKE A PHOENIX

Except actually she was invited back three years later yay. I thank my lucky stars that crybaby twat Elisabitch shot to superstardom and thought she was too big to do Survivor again because it paved the way for Amber's epic rise to reality show LEGEND status. Within minutes of hitting the beach Amber used her strategy of being really good-looking to ensare Boston Rob, and the two formed an unstoppable duo.

A lot of people resent Romber and showmances in general but I am not one of them. The formation of Romber is in fact one of my favorite Survivor storylines ever and THE reason that I love All Stars so much. In the middle of all the backstabbing and bitterness and friendship-ending drama there were two people totally hot for each other, the bad boy and the good girl. It couldn't have worked out any better if it had been planned, really.

The entire thing was really just so perfectly storybook. At one point Amber was even the damsel in distress, kidnapped and held hostage by the other tribe in a bullshit twist that could have ruined this legendary budding power couple's chances.

Fortunately like all good stories there was a happy ending. Rob even tried to come to Amber's rescue. So romantic <3 Fortunately Amber's undeniable charm and sex appeal pulled through yet again as she offered cunnilingus to Kathy in return for her safety, and Kathy convinced Lex to keep Amber (THIS IS THE ACCEPTED VERSION OF EVENTS AS DESCRIBED BY THE PARTICIPANTS. IDGAF IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT JUST DEAL WITH IT.)

Unfortch this meant that Amber and Jerri were devastatingly pitted against one another. When the switch happened I was SO hopeful they would reunite, but the truth was that Amber had outgrown Jerri's shadow and it was time to move on. Still my heart broke a bit as Jerri voted for Amber and called her her Outback sister. UGH life is so hard sometimes amirite?!

As we all know Amber went on to win ASS and permanently cemented her status as Survivor legend and polarizing figure. The entire thing came full circle when, just before announcing the winner, Rob proposed to Amber live in front of God and all of their bitter victims.

Their reign of terror did not end there though, and hopefully it never will. They are in fact the undisputed King and Queen of reality television.

On Amber's personality: Amber is pretty low key compared to most of my other favos but I don't think that's a bad thing as I do have a huge weakness for borewhores provided they're attractive and not whiny. Anywho, all of Amber's appearances on reality television have convinced me that she's really likable and has a good sense of humor even tho she lacks the confrontational edge that provides so much entertainment.

On Amber's gameplay: It would be pretty much impossible for Amber not to be underrated because people refuse to give her credit for like...anything. I think it's undeniable that she's a good player even if you don't see her value as a character, because she is athletic and socially capable. A lot of people accuse her of being a follower which I think fair, but I think Amber would have done just fine on ASS even if Rob weren't there so w/e. She tries to save herself when it's necessary and beyond that she plays it pretty safe, which may be boring television but it's not bad gameplay.

omh I love this intro On Amber's placement: Amber's transition from mousy fanfare-less UTR also-ran to dominating legendary reality royalty is the stuff dreams are made of. I firmly believe that Amber is underrated in all respects and I think I would feel that way even if I hadn't been a fan from day one, back when nobody knew who she was and they didn't even play her songs on the radio. I was very happy that she won the "Hottest Girl Ever on Survivor" vote at America's Tribal Council. Being recognized for the important things <3 Obviously without ASS and the ensuing TARs Amber would probably be a bit lower but as it stands she is one of the most notorious figures in all of reality television and you need to make peace with that.

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